Sage and Sass

Sage and sassy wanderings of a curious mind.

Purple hair, piercings and all things punk, or “yeah, that’s my daughter, what about it?” June 4, 2011


I would like to take a moment to implore everyone everywhere to open your minds. Just a little, not enough to damage your delicate sensibilities but just enough to see another side to things.  Come along with me if you will to an experience I have had the misfortune to encounter many times in the last few years…

My little clan and I were treating ourselves to a much anticipated dinner out.  Chinese I believe it was…nom nom nom.  We were all in good spirits, not unusual for us, but we were especially enjoying each others company on this evening.  We rock!  We headed into one of our fave places, placed our order and chose our seats.

I am a bit claustrophobic when it comes to seating.  My family is fabulously accommodating in this area, so they all waited for me to choose my seat and then they settled in theirs.  Naturally I chose to sit in an outside row of the place, giving me a birdseye view of any stealth attacks coming my way.  Those of you who suffer from this ailment know exactly what I mean and those of you who don’t…well, just be thankful and keep reading.

My little Doobie, my 13 yr old, was seated across from me.  She is a gem.  Straight A student, polite, compassionate, funny, talented.  Oh so talented, she is currently writing a couple of books, writes songs and poems in nothing flat, is an excellent artist and has style and moxy oozing from her pores.  She makes the world a better place and anyone who has the chance to spend any time at all talking with her comes away awed and smiling.  I am not exaggerating.  Ask anyone who knows her.

Now, I was an extremely creative teenager myself.  I liked to express myself in my clothing.  Doesn’t everyone?  I mean you wear high heels because of how they feel or maybe you are a jeans and converse type cuz they show off your casualness and athletic ability.  The point is, most people dress according to their own personal style and personality right?  I however grew up in a very different time and was not allowed to fully express my inner creativity outwardly.  As a result, I am pretty lenient when it comes to my kids wardrobes and style.  I have rules, no indecent showing of the assets above or below, must look as close to their age as possible, and no offensive clothing.

And this is where society and myself come to the parting of the minds.  Apparently I am not as easily offended and the rest of the world is.  LOL  C’mon people, purple hair, fishnets, combat boots and piercings are not offensive.  You do not have to like them, my daughter is not looking for your approval.  Nor is she attacking you or society as a whole when she steps out as her punky self.  She is merely putting on her personality, strutting her stuff, living out loud.  I applaud her for it.  I even like most of what she wears.  When I look at her all dressed to go, I just see little bits of her personality rising to the top so to speak.  I can tell how sassy she feels or how tired or sulky, all depending on how she presents herself.  If you take a minute to look around you, you might find you can do this with the people you know as well.

On this particular outing she was feeling very sassy and was wearing maroon combat boots, ripped up fishnets, long cut off shorts, a cut up t-shirt, metal studded suspenders hanging down and a lip ring.  I believe her hair was purple then and growing out from a faux hawk.  She may have had bows with skulls in her hair as well.  See picture for a visual of her fishnets complete with roller derby pins holding them together.

We are laughing and joking and having a good time when I notice for the fourth or fifth time a woman across the restaurant looking at us in a disgusted manner and gesturing in our direction while making obviously derogatory comments to the gentleman she was sitting with.

At this point I am getting annoyed.  I tried to imagine I was imagining it.  I tried ignoring it.  I tried telling myself she was just ignorant.  Enough already, I looked in her direction and gave her what I hoped was a look that said, do you mind?”  Apparently she didn’t.  She stared right back in a most defiant manner.  Really???  I shook my head and focused back on our little party.  I must insert here that Doobie, handles this much better than I do.  She just laughs it off.  The Usband is getting annoyed but is better at ignoring things than I am.  In the interest of not wasting anymore family time on a rude woman I don’t know, I simply gave her one more look and smiled my biggest smile at her and waved.  She was not impressed.  They left and we had a great evening.

Here’s my question.  We are all guilty of judging people, even those of us that try really hard not to and that includes me.  But could we not try to limit those judgements to something worthy of judgement like, oh I don’t know, actions, or words maybe?  Certainly we can all look past a lip ring can’t we?  Doobie’s is fake BTW, I told you I had rules.  😉  Honestly, look at the two pictures below and tell me what is really the difference between these two girls?

  The one on the left is a straight A student, well loved by her teachers and family.  Trusted by all who know her.  Compassionate and loving.  She is talented and smart and loves animals.  She is funny and loves Jesus.  And guess what?  So does this one…–>>>

So really…what’s the big deal???I like them both, they are both my Doob and I wouldn’t have her any other way!

Slainte’  ~Sam

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7 Responses to “Purple hair, piercings and all things punk, or “yeah, that’s my daughter, what about it?””

  1. Roni Says:

    Great blog today, Sam! I couldn’t open the punky pix of Jo, but I’ve seen enough of them to get the point. Your posting reminds a lot of the conversations I would have with people about when their kids come opt. Are they any different then they were before they knew they were gay? Of course not! They’re they same kids, but now the parents know another side of them and yet many judge them and turn away. How sad. You’re so special to love and accept your girls (and all others) just the way they are; based on how they behave, i.e. are they good people, kind-hearted, loving, generous, etc., and not on how they look or whom they love.

    • Bummer about the pics, I wonder if anyone else had that problem? All of them or just one? And thank you for the compliments! I honestly cannot imagine not being this way. Sad isn’t it?

  2. Mick Covell Says:

    I never cease to be amazed by how quickly people are ready to judge others . We all do it at some time or other , but the extremes some will go to in their judgements and then their willingness to express that judgement in the crassest manner possible . Well guess what people , I judge you to be ugly and petty minded and profoundly deeply sad wastes of space and time . I shall forgive you and then promptly forget you and save my time for the people of this world with a more attractive spirit .

  3. This touched my heart so much! Your daughter is amazing! I think she’s absolutely beautiful & has amazing style. She is a unique pioneer and has soul. I had an instant liking for her when I met her. She will go far, because she is not afraid to try new things and she’s talented. You are giving her an wonderful life and instilling the best qualities in her!

  4. Hey Sam…I just got nominated for the versatile blogger award. I’m not sure if it’s real or not, but it seems like a good way to get to know other bloggers. So, I’d like to nominate you, too. Here are the rules…

    1. Thank the person who awarded you and link back to them in your post.
    2. Tell 7 Random facts about yourself.
    3. Pass the award on to 7 new found (or old favorite) bloggers.
    4. Contact each blogger you want to pass the award on to and let them know you’ve done so, and let the giver of your award know you accept it… or not.

    Hope you can do it…I’m working on it right now, so you can check out my post about it in a little bit. Fun to cheerlead for you! 🙂


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